BoJack Horseman saved my life

I found myself horrified at the middle of the night relating my life with BoJack Horseman… Wondering how come I could identify myself with an animated cartoon about a horse. Everyone has felt identified with something in the media at some point in their lives. But the connection that I have with BoJack is almost real, it does not mean that I love it, I do not admire it but I just felt that his existence and mine were solid.

Even though this show is an eccentric combination of animated animals and humans I was captive by the realness and darkness of the show, with each episode I feel diving deeper in a huge ocean full of regrets and personal demons and this show made me fight them.

I was forced to walk a path I did not choose for the past 7 years, I was forced to confront my personal demons and I did not know that I was really prepared to do this.

Despite that I was realising so many things and flaws about me, sometimes I felt uncomfortable watching these characters self sabotaging deep into their loneliness and misery, from time to time, I pictured myself as some of the characters in the show, it was like a mirror and even though these were crushing me I could not look away.

This was the best portrayal of depression, my depression. I have been like this for so many years that I was almost used to it; I was having a normal life trying to hide all the things that haunted me. I was too scared to confront them and I had nothing that forced me to do so… BoJack Horseman did. My depression was never the way people imagine it, it is not dramatic nor overacting… it was just consuming. I never watched anything that pictured it as this show did. I watched it raw; as the show progressed I began to notice other behaviours I had. I pushed away a lot of people because I was ashamed of being depressed and I was apologetic about not wanting to fight back.

When the third season was aired I pondered if I was ready to hit rock bottom, after analysing it I just decided to watch it and hope for the best. I spent a week in my bed crying and blaming myself for things that were beyond me, after that I was ready to let it go… so i did.

Depression is a demon that you constantly feed, it gets bigger and at the end it controls your words, actions and thoughts. It can turn you into a monster, you end up hurting the people you love the most, you always ask for more and you bite the hand that feeds you. You are the lighter that burns the bridge.

But somehow BoJack was the light at the end of the tunnel and I was ready to fight a battle I did not know if I was going to win.